The Stating The Obvious Show!
by AppleJuiceMaster
Summary: A silly show that I invented myself *proud* called Stating The Obvious Show (stating the obvious!) presented by your favourite (and most hated) bagman!


Disclaimer: No owning, now rack off.  
  
Voice of Voldemort: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Stating The Obvious  
Show! With your host: Ludo Bagman!  
  
Ludo comes on stage, the audience starts clapping  
  
Ludo: Thank you, thank you!  
  
The audience continues clapping  
  
Ludo: Yes, thank you!  
  
Audience keeps clapping  
  
Ludo: Ok, that's enough now!  
  
The audience keeps on clapping  
  
Ludo: *irritated* If you keep clapping, I can't begin the show!  
  
Someone in the audience: Damn, he noticed...  
  
The bloody audience keeps on clapping  
  
Ludo: *yelling* Knock it off, do I have to steal all your pocketmoney?!!!  
  
Audience is silent at once  
  
Ludo: Though so... Anyways, welcome to the Stating the Obvious show, the  
game where you can state the obvious for money! Let's see who are  
candidates are for today! Introduce yourself, please!  
  
A curtain falls and the 6 candidates are standing behind stupid  
boxes with an exclamation mark on it.  
  
Ludo: First candidate...  
  
Harry: Hi, everyone! I'm Harry Potter!  
  
Same guy in the audience: He's got a scar! Ludo, he's stating the obvious  
already!  
  
Ludo: SHUT UP! Please continue, Harry  
  
Harry: Err... That was it.  
  
Ludo: Ah. Ok. Next!  
  
Hermione: I'm Hermione Granger, Harry faithful and smart sidekick!  
  
Ludo: Next!  
  
Ron: I'm Ron...  
  
Same person in audience: He's got red hair, so he's a Weasley! STATING  
THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Ludo: Security!  
  
The security throw the troublemaker out of the studio  
  
Ludo: Good. Next!  
  
Draco: I'm Draco Malfoy, the sexy Slytherin who is really sexy, rich and  
blonde. Did I mention sexy?  
  
Ludo: Yeah, you did. Next!  
  
Severus: *scowling* Severus Snape.  
  
Ludo: That's it?!  
  
Severus: Yes.  
  
Ludo: Alrighty... Next!  
  
Lucius: I'm Lucius Malfoy. But everyone noticed that already because of  
my sexiness. And my long, blond, beautiful hair. And my sexy snake cane.  
Oh, and I'm Draco's father. But I'm sexier. Obviously.  
  
Ludo: Riiight... Well, now that everyone is introduced, let's start the  
game! Does everyone know the rules?  
  
They all shake their heads.  
  
Ludo: The rules that were explained to you before you came on stage?  
  
Lucius: No one listened.  
  
Ron: There were COOKIES!  
  
Harry: Yeah, chocolate chip cookies!  
  
Severus: Nothing is more addicting than chocolate chip cookies.  
  
Hermione: Well, that's not true... Also very addicting things are;  
Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, Pringles, Tweenies, the Muggle internet...  
  
Ludo: *annoyed sigh* Surely SOMEONE listened?!  
  
Draco: Nope. CHOCOLATE CHIP cookies!  
  
Ludo: Damn. Alright, when it's your turn, you can pick one of the five  
other candidates and point something about them out. When the others yell  
"Stating the obvious!" you get five Galleons. Does everyone get it?  
  
Lucius: Pass the salt, please.  
  
Ludo: *slaps forehead* Let's just see how it goes, ok?  
  
They nod  
  
Ludo: Let's begin... Harry, state the obvious!  
  
Harry: Hmm... Who shall I pick? *looks at the others* Draco!  
  
Draco: Aw, why me?!  
  
Harry: Because you are soooo... Slytherin!  
  
Lucius: No. he's a wimp.  
  
Ludo: No money for you, kid.  
  
Harry: Roar.  
  
Ludo: Hermione, you're next!  
  
Hermione: Harry, literally saying 'Roar' is so not cool!  
  
No one says anything  
  
Hermione: Oh come on! I'm stating the obvious!  
  
Severus: No you're not.  
  
Lucius: Severus is stating the obvious!  
  
Ludo: 5 Galleons for Severus!  
  
Severus: Hey, cool!  
  
Hermione: It wasn't his turn yet!  
  
Lucius: Shut up... MUDBLOOD!  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Ludo: 5 Galleons for Lucius!  
  
Lucius: Not that I need it, but... thanks anyway.  
  
Ron: My turn! Snape, your hair is black!  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Severus: No he isn't. My natural hair colour isn't... black.  
  
Everyone: *gasps*  
  
Lucius: You're... DYEING it?!  
  
Severus: Err, yeah.  
  
Harry: So what's your real hair colour?  
  
Severus: *cough*Blonde*cough*  
  
All: *gasps part two!*  
  
Lucius: No, it isn't!  
  
Severus: You want proof?  
  
Lucius: How?  
  
Severus: Uhm... want to see my *blonde* pubic hair?  
  
Lucius: Not now, with all this people... Maybe later.  
  
Severus: Oh, okay. No money for Weasley, anyway.  
  
Ron: Damn.  
  
Lucius: Meee! McGonagall, you're a crazy ol' fairy!  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Hermione: Hey... Professor McGonagall isn't even in this game!  
  
Lucius: What's your point?!  
  
Hermione: Well... *^thinking* none, I guess...  
  
Ludo: 5 Galleons for Lucius!  
  
Severus: Now's me! Potter! Your mother was a moose!  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Harry: *gasps* Was not!  
  
Severus: Was too!  
  
Harry: Was not!  
  
Severus: Was too!  
  
Harry: Was not!  
  
Severus: Was not!  
  
Harry: Was too! *realises what he just said* Bugger!  
  
Severus: *evil laugh* 5 Galleons pour moi!  
  
Hermione: That's French!  
  
Severus: You're stating the obvious before your turn, missy!  
  
Hermione: You did so too!  
  
Severus: Yes, but I'm cooler than you, so it's ok. Annoying little know  
it all bitch...  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Ludo: And another 5 Galleons for Severus!  
  
Severus: My turn now!  
  
Draco: No it's isn't! You stated the obvious three times already, and I  
not once!  
  
Severus: Details, details... Lucius! You're sexy!  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Lucius: No shit, Sherlock.  
  
Ludo: Another 5 Galleons!  
  
Lucius: Draco, you are an irritating, whiney, stupid, little boy!  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Ludo: 5 Galleons for Lucius!  
  
Draco: *teary eyed* Don't you love me?  
  
Lucius: No.  
  
All: STATING THE OBVIOUS!  
  
Ludo: Righty, let's look at the scores! Harry: ZERO, Hermione: ZERO, Ron:  
ZERO, Draco: ZERO, Severus: TWENTY, Lucius: TWENTY! Well, I guess it's a  
tie between Severus and Lucius! You both won!  
  
The audience claps, cheers, does the wave, celebrates and goes  
completely wild  
  
Lucius: *enjoying it* Give it up for me, I'm fucking awesome!  
  
Severus: Don't forget me!  
  
Lucius: You're fucking awesome too!  
  
Severus: I knew that *hugs Lucius*  
  
Lucius: *hugs back*  
  
Draco: Ugh. So this is what they do at Death Eater meetings...  
  
Lucius: Shut up you. *continues hugging Severus*  
  
Ludo: That's enough now.  
  
Severus and Lucius keep hugging  
  
Ludo: Stop! Now!  
  
Severus and Lucius hug some more  
  
Ludo: Knock it off!  
  
Lucius: *still hugging* Shut up, Bagman! *takes wand out of his pocket,  
still hugging Severus* Avada Kedavra!  
  
Ludo Bagman drops dead on the floor  
  
Lucius: *puts wand back in his pocket and continues hugging Severus* We  
fucking rule!  
  
Severus: I love it when you state the obvious! But you can let go now,  
I'm starting to have problems with breathing  
  
Lucius: Right. *let's go*  
  
Severus: Thanks. *does the hokey pokey*  
  
Lucius: That's what it's all about! *joins in*  
  
Suddenly, everyone is doing the hokey pokey  
  
Hermione: Draco, it's "put your LEFT foot out..."  
  
Draco: Shut up.  
  
Hermione: Ok.  
  
Severus & Lucius: Weeee are the champions...  
  
Lucius: Let's celebrate some more in your dungeons.  
  
Severus: But-  
  
Lucius: Let's. Celebrate. Some. More. In. Your. Dungeons.  
  
Severus: Oh, I get it! Good idea!  
  
Severus and Lucius sneak out without anyone noticing.  
  
Ron: Hey... I'm still poor! What will dad say...  
THE END!  
  
~~ Well gosh darnit, that was quite silly and pointless. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!~~ 


End file.
